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A blonde chick gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says..

'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.

'It's best I stay here.' he says.

'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.


The boy says: "Because I'm the goal keeper !!!"

The following announcement is true:
The preceding announcement was false.

A true romantic!


Subject: Through The Eyes Of A Man

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A wife was curious when she found two old negatives in a drawer and had them made into prints. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on one of her first dates with her husband. When she showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!", he said with appreciation, "That's my old Ford!".

Why Men Wear Earrings
Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men ?
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an
earring.
The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is
curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods
him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one ?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
(I always wondered how this trend got started)

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.

The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days. This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.

The blonde follows the doctor`s advice and after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she`d indeed lost twenty pounds.

She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question, "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

How do you spot a man in a nudist colony?


It's not very hard.

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A Loving Grandpa.....

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3
year-old grandson.



It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets
in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in
the other aisles.


Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,
"Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."


Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William,
just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad
says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset.
We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."


Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his
groceries and the boy into the car.


She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were
amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your
composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept
saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William ........the little $hit's name is
Kevin."

How do you identify the blind guy at the nude beach?

Its not hard.

The Talking Centipede


A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go
down the pub with me today? We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet..

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going down the pub with me ?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede's box and shouted, "HEY, IN THERE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO THE PUB WITH ME?"

.....
This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time!

I'm putting my F***#*ing shoes on!"

you got a shovel in your back pocket ? ,cuz im digging that *****

why did the bicycle fall over? ..... it was two tired

If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?

A little boy asked his father: "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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