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Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #641502 Tue Dec 22 2015 06:09 PM
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Some years ago, there was an Engineering Convention in San Francisco .
This was only for people who had an IQ of
140 or higher.

Several of the members went out for lunch at a local cafe. When they
sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained
pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.

How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling
any, and using only the implements at hand?
Clearly this was a job for engineering minds.

The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up
with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, 2 spoons, a straw, and
an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with
their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper
shaker contains salt and the salt shaker contains pepper."

But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted them. "Oh,
sorry about that." She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of
both bottles, and switched them.

There was dead silence at the table.

This reminds me of our government.


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Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #641557 Wed Dec 23 2015 07:29 AM
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I wish this site had like buttons

Re: Todays Funny
K W FRITH #641668 Wed Dec 23 2015 07:00 PM
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Boy that pretty well sums it up, Kevin.lol

Re: Todays Funny
K W FRITH #641954 Sun Dec 27 2015 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted By K W FRITH
Some years ago, there was an Engineering Convention in San Francisco .
This was only for people who had an IQ of
140 or higher.

Several of the members went out for lunch at a local cafe. When they
sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained
pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.

How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling
any, and using only the implements at hand?
Clearly this was a job for engineering minds.

The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up
with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, 2 spoons, a straw, and
an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with
their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper
shaker contains salt and the salt shaker contains pepper."

But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted them. "Oh,
sorry about that." She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of
both bottles, and switched them.

There was dead silence at the table.

This reminds me of our government.

Truck full of likes.jpg
Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #643321 Mon Jan 11 2016 06:49 AM
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BOB & THE BLONDE:

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob.

"Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money.


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Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #643703 Thu Jan 14 2016 01:04 PM
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He was from Texas and he needed a loan.
So he walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International Redneck Festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan,so he handed over the keys to a new Ferrari.The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.He produced the title and everything checked out.The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest...He reluctantly agreed & left with the loan.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the expense of the man from the Texas for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later the man returned & paid the $5,000 as well as the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said,"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,and this transaction has worked out very nicely,but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away,we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a distinguished alumni from Texas A & M,a highly sophisticated investor and multi-millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world.Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater,Texas.What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow a mere $5,000 from this New York bank?"
The good 'ole boy replied,"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?" wink


Collecting Vintage Sunoco
Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #652745 Wed Apr 13 2016 08:01 AM
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Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way."

So he continued on his way.

However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered
him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my
donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So the king hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.

And the practice continues to this day..


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Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #652746 Wed Apr 13 2016 08:15 AM
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Lol! LMAO! Kevin, you are such a wealth of knowledge ......GB

Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #654087 Tue Apr 26 2016 11:33 AM
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saw this today...it's a grammar lesson.

Grammar: The difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you're nuts.

Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #654429 Sat Apr 30 2016 07:34 AM
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Nicole--That one sure drew a chuckle from me!!


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Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #656605 Thu May 26 2016 07:13 AM
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This isn't really a "funny", but I didn't know where else to put it! I have seen it several times in my life and it touches me every time. I thought I would share it with the rest of you!




Change Your Thinking

It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking..


Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.


It faced a blank wall..


The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'


Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'

The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.


Everything Cities Service
Specializing in old Gas Pumps
kwfrith@gondtc.com
Cell#-701-739-6133
Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #656632 Thu May 26 2016 11:19 AM
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Wow...

Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #656687 Fri May 27 2016 07:09 AM
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Subject: SELF DEFENSE

An acquaintance in California asked me
what I thought he might need in order
to defend his home and family from
home invasion and self defense protection.

I suggested a 9mm,

a couple of clips, and

a box of shells.



A few days later he sent me this picture and
asked me how to make it all work.
​ ​

Home Defense.jpg
Last edited by Oldgas; Fri May 27 2016 08:06 AM. Reason: edit to conform with Guidelines
Re: Todays Funny
Cold Pizza #660533 Mon Jul 11 2016 02:37 PM
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Still holds up as one of the funniest scenes ever..


Re: Todays Funny
K W FRITH #660581 Tue Jul 12 2016 06:20 AM
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Originally Posted By K W FRITH
This isn't really a "funny", but I didn't know where else to put it! I have seen it several times in my life and it touches me every time. I thought I would share it with the rest of you!




Change Your Thinking

It will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking..


Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation..

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.


It faced a blank wall..


The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'


Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'

The origin of this letter is unknown, but it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.

















https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y13r2nzwdV0

James King passed away earlier this year , great story tale singer

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