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OP
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Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5 and is known, of course, as...
..."Sinko De Mayo"
Everything Cities Service Specializing in old Gas Pumps kwfrith@gondtc.com Cell#-701-739-6133
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Joined: May 2005
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A laugh and a smile to start your day.....
The longer you've been together, the funnier this becomes
An elderly couple were at home watching TV. Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel... you know how to fish!"
Everything Cities Service Specializing in old Gas Pumps kwfrith@gondtc.com Cell#-701-739-6133
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During his physical, the doctor asked Tom, "the patient", about his daily activity level . He described a typical day this way: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake and took four leaks behind big trees.” Inspired by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!” ”No,” he replied, “I'm just a ***** golfer.”
Everything Cities Service Specializing in old Gas Pumps kwfrith@gondtc.com Cell#-701-739-6133
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Sounds like my game Kevin. Snake bit and itchy.
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IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME....
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?" asked the clerk.
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones?? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers?? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've claim they'd been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim .Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Anderson."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself?? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it!? I quit! You people are making a mockery of marriage!"
Don't laugh, it’s just a matter of time .
Everything Cities Service Specializing in old Gas Pumps kwfrith@gondtc.com Cell#-701-739-6133
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Yes,that door has been opened!!
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Petro Enthusiast
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I Feel sorry for the future generation !
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The minister's wife
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"
Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.
After the services, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally, the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now; so, he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder, and says, "You'd better hurry home. My wife died a year ago......!!!."
Everything Cities Service Specializing in old Gas Pumps kwfrith@gondtc.com Cell#-701-739-6133
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Life just gets better as you get older, doesn't it? I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment, I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. This is what happens when old people start using technology.
Everything Cities Service Specializing in old Gas Pumps kwfrith@gondtc.com Cell#-701-739-6133
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Subject: FW: POLICE REPORT
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...
Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up. . . . .
Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.
Everything Cities Service Specializing in old Gas Pumps kwfrith@gondtc.com Cell#-701-739-6133
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