Primarily Petroliana Shop Talk Forums Shop Talk Petroliana Forums General Petroliana Discussion Old-timey Joke

I read this one in my mother's college humor magazine (she was UC Berkeley 1952) when I was about six,and delighted in telling it, even though I did not understand it:

Q: What do you call an insect that flies around a service station?

A: An Esso bee!

My father would chew me out every time I told it. "Quit telling that joke!" he would roar. "It's nasty!"

"What's nasty about it?" I would ask earnestly.

"Never mind -- it's nasty!" was his reply.

(That's another reason I don't like modernization: it has taken away an oppportunity for a corny joke. After all, what's so funny about the phrase "EXXON bee?")

[This message has been edited by Fat Mack (edited 12-02-2007).]

I grew up in San Fran and remember a billboard at our local station in the late 60's "want a tiger in your tank? kick it in the gashole" My mom was very offended, my dad laughed every time we filled up.

That is great ! Esso-B, I like that!!! Gashole! That would be a great handle for somebody on oldgas !!!!! Sweeeet ! Esso rules !

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a car?

Jack!

Jack??

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

BOB!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole in the ground?

PHIL

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your front doorstep?

MATT
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~DOC

Lets turn the tables here for a moment. Some of the funniest things Ive heard a police... person say recently!

#10. Just relax, the handcuffs are only tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.

#9. If you take your hands off the car, I'll make sure your birth certificate becomes a worthless document.

#8. Don't even think about it! Because if you run, you'll only go to jail tired.

#7. Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.

#6. Oh! You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on this ticket, huh?

#5. Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you... if you do this again, I'll give you another ticket.

#4. The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse... a cat or a dog?

#3. How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?

#2. I'm so glad to hear that our chief of Police is a personal friend of yours. Its good you know someone who can post your bail.

#1. [drum roll] ...and to the mrs... so you didn't think we give pretty women tickets eh? You're right, we don't. Sign here please.

This is to funny guys. Like the tiger & Esso

I've been referred to worse than a GASHOLE, several time on here ! ROTFLMAO again.
db

DOC & Haggis:

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs if he's in a pile of leaves?

Rustle!

If he's hanging on your wall?

Art!

Later . . .

Jim

If he lived in Chapel Hill, NC, and was born with no arms, ran his own landscaping business, could drive a riding lawn mower, could use a chain saw, trim out, use a blower, drive himself around in his own van, dress himself, feed himself, fish, and smoke a cigarette - all with his feet....... His name was Marty Ravellette. He was one cool dude, and you would never know it from being around him....... he was a true inspiration!!! And the absolute very worst thing about it all, he was tragically killed in a logging truck accident about two and a half weeks ago. But Marty would not want any pitty or sympathy, he was very positive - he was a tough cat! R.I.P. Marty

[This message has been edited by BBQ Chicken (edited 12-05-2007).]

A few guys you left out...
Homer......going over a fence
Stew......in a hot tub

You keep leaving out the gals.....
Ilene....one longer leg
Irene....Japaneese Girl
Tiffany...hanging from the ceiling
Crystal.....in a cabinet
Fanny.....in a pool.
....yes humor can be tasteless, I , unfortunatly, know the worlds first and second sickest jokes. Can't tell them here though.